my mind always rambles in the dead of night
Here I am, sitting here in the dead of night. Somehow life just keeps going, as summer finally fades into fall. The humidity has dropped, and it’s very pleasant to be outside. My daily walks with Savannah are no longer a chore but a pleasure. Life is weird lately; I almost don’t know what to make of it. For the first time, I didn’t have the time of my life this summer. Normally our days are filled with travel and activities and hiking. This summer, I stayed indoors – not only because of the heat but also the mosquitos. I stressed about money. No weddings this summer, and we only camped once. House and church keep us here this weekend, making spontaneous trips harder.
Other things, too. Savannah breaks her leg. Medical bills pile up and keep wanting our attention. I try to stay on top of paperwork – I have to file receipts with the insurance company – but I feel like I never get caught up. Utility bills come and get lost under piles of junk. I desperately want to declutter, but when I get a chance I’m suddenly lazy. I keep saying, tomorrow I’ll sit down and pay all the bills. Then I forget and get distracted, and then I stress about the money. Somehow through it all I forget that God will take care of us. I think my forgetfulness is probably because I have been lax about daily devotions.
I started checking into the Habit Hacker website every day. The content is good and exactly what I need, but the website is annoying. I was hoping to get a daily email but that’s not a feature. I’m trying to get into the habit of checking the website every day to see today’s habit.
She talks about having a place you clean twice a day. For her it’s the kitchen island. For me I decided it’s my kitchen sink. The last few days I’m trying to be better about staying on top of dishes. It’s satisfying, having a clean kitchen. To be honest, it makes me feel more confident that I can actually do housework. And cook!
I just yearn for some things in my life right now. For organization. For simplicity. For Savannah to be out of her cast and running around like a normal toddler. Oh how I yearn for the cast to be off! Next Tuesday, the 28th is the scheduled appoinment.
Other things are on my mind tonight, too. My pants are tight again and last week I stepped on a scale to discover I’m a mere 10lbs away from when I was 9 months pregnant. I am not sure the best and most effective way to approach weight loss this time. Weight Watchers again? Join a gym? Both expensive but I am wondering if ultimately it would be better for me.
Other thoughts on my mind: a mysterious rash in Savannah’s diaper area, most likely a food allergy. But what? The carpet in the den needs to be professionally cleaned, which bothers me since it’s only 3 months old. I am frustrated with my cats, the source of the carpet smell. Out of ideas for what to do. Paul is really, really busy at work. I miss him but I’m trying not to be annoying or a nag. Things will be better after the elections. Then come the holidays… Man this fall is already speeding past, but time with Savannah in her cast is simply crawling.
I need to get to bed. Enough late-night ramblings.
5 thoughts on “my mind always rambles in the dead of night”
There’s so much truth and vulnerability in this post, Ashley. I wish I had wisdom, but I don’t. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your heart.
Thanks, Marianne. :-) I miss writing these posts.
Ashley, what happened with Savannah’s appointment on Tuesday? I hope it was good news. I’m sorry your Summer was hard. I agree with Marianne — it takes courage to be vulnerable about things like this, but sometimes it can be cathartic, too. I hope you have a peaceful and healing Fall this year.
Char – She is 100% healed according to the x-rays we took last Tuesday, and the doctor cleared her to begin physical therapy. We go in for the evaluation on October 25th and will move on from there.
Wow, that’s great news! I bet if feels SO good to have that behind you. I am so thankful! I bet Savannah is, too … not to mention her mom!
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