I am SO tired of feeling bad.

Last week I had a headache for 5 days straight. Five days! That’s as many days as it rained when we were in California. Then I had a 3 day reprieve, and yesterday the headache started again.

Yesterday was one of the worst days I’ve had so far. I woke up with a migraine, and went to work anyway because I didn’t want to call in sick. Then I did the thing I’ve been afraid would happen this whole time – I threw up at work. I had to stay and finish my project though. I worked a total of two hours before leaving and going home. I continued to be sick to my stomach *all* day. Usually I stop around 5pm or so, but this went on into the night. Nothing was staying down – not even water. I really lost track of how many times I had to run to the bathroom. I took the anti-nausea meds that the doctor prescribed to me, which seemed to stop the crazy cycle – I only threw up once after taking them.

Since I missed work yesterday and have to leave early tomorrow, I had to work today (my day off). In retrospect, I should have taken the day off. While I felt better, the headache still lingers. I am not eating normal foods yet. I just overall feel horrible.

I am so tired of feeling bad. :-( I’m tired of calling in sick to everything – work, Bible study, choir. I am tired of giving up my day off every week because I have to miss a day that I normally work, which means I’m horribly behind on all the things I want and need to be doing. I am tired of these stupid migraines that don’t go away. (Oh and before you leave me a comment – please, no cure suggestions. :-) Seriously, I’ve heard them all! I know you mean well, and I appreciate the good intentions… but yeah shouldn’t there be a limit to the amount of advice one person has to hear?)

This weekend, there is a woman’s retreat sponsored by my church. I leave tomorrow afternoon. I am really worried about it. I’m sure it will be fun, but I just am praying I’m up for everything since I don’t feel good. Sometimes you just want your own bed with your own husband to wait on you hand and foot (hehe I’m spoiled!). I am yearning for Monday when I get a break…

I know, I really don’t have it that bad. I just had been looking forward to 14 weeks because that was supposed to be the magic week that everything feels better. Perhaps at 15 weeks?

My doctor seems unconcerned about these headaches, simply reminding me to take Tylenol (ha! candy!) and drink Coke (mmm I like Coke… I have started drinking it every day, oops!). On the encouragement of several other people, I think I’m going to get a second opinion – or at least find someone who’s willing to work with me and figure out why I’m getting these migraines. Another reason why I want to switch doctors is because my current one spent about 15 minutes at my last appointment lecturing me about quitting my job, saying that I absolutely should NOT quit my job in this economy, that I’m stupid for considering it, and that I can’t rely on my husband to take care of our family. That annoyed me, since she doesn’t know anything about our finances or lifestyle choices or Paul’s job.

Okay I have spent long enough at the computer. But before I leave – 7 years ago today, Paul and I started dating in the Gerig Hall lounge at Taylor University. Awww :-) Man I think back to those early, awkward days! I was only a freshman; my oh my how things have changed. But March 5th is still an anniversary I like to remember!