My mom sent these to me, and I thought they were clever. Enjoy. :-)

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“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
– Moses Hadas

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
– Winston Churchill

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.”
– George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”
– Winston Churchill, in response

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
– Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
– John Bright

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”
– Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
– Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
– Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”
– Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. ”
– Thomas Brackett Reed

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”
– James Reston

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
– Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
– Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
– Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
– Andrew Lang

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
– Billy Wilder