(Originally written at Onward Christian Soldier)

All-Sufficient.

I’m struggling with how to express my thoughts about those two words. God is all I need; He is everything and even if all that I have passes away, I am still complete because I have Him.

Even if my family is taken from me, I am still complete in Christ.

Even if I never marry, I am still complete.

Those are hard words to echo, but my soul aches for them to be true statements in my life. In a world of romance and marriage, it’s hard to admit that you don’t need love or a husband or parents to be a complete person. It’s hard to completely rely on Christ in the hard times and not simply run to loved ones.

I’m not even sure how to do it. To a certain extent, I am self-sufficient just by circumstances – I have to make my own decisions, I have to motivate myself to go places and do things. However, emotionally I am still very tied to my parents and my boyfriend. When I’m having a bad day, my first thought should be Christ and prayer – but it rarely is.

I am guessing that it is discipline to make God the All-Sufficient one in my life. The only One I ever truly need – much as I really want to get married, or be with my family. Discipline to put Him first, to turn to Him in my loneliness and in non-loneliness. To acknowledge His love as something I truly need no matter what else I have.