My coupon expired today so I made a trip after work to Bed Bath and Beyond to pick up another set of my silverware. I previously only had 4 of each kind which was okay, but when you’re using them to cook, eat, and feed cats, you go through them quickly! I was also slightly nervous that for some freak reason they would run out and then I’d be left with mismatched silverware, which is a horrible thing for a designer. I’m not a cheap homemaker. But my home does look awesome. :-D

I was wandering around the store, awed at how huge it was – much bigger than the one I shopped in Orlando. I started recognizing stuff – oh we had registered for that, and we registered for that. It made me really sad. I still get wedding stuff in the mail from BB&B – you can even find my registry there if you look up my name, although I deleted everything from it.

I have been doing really well lately about weddings and not getting sad or depressed about mine. However, today I wasn’t so lucky. Paul and I have talked a lot about marriage recently – discussing what exactly we are waiting for and whether the issues that made Paul cancel it before are still issues. In some ways it is comforting that really the biggest obstacle is the fact that we have jobs in two different parts of the country, and with my lease I’m definitely committed here until May 2006. The other big thing is parents. We need to decide how far we are willing to go against our parents wishes, and how important it is to have their blessing.

Walking through BB&B today I was thinking about being married, and how nice that will be. How nice to see Paul every day! To have him by my side as we choose a church, as we go grocery shopping, as we get into a routine. In some ways, I am so ready to be married right now. Of course I know everyone who is married is probably laughing and saying “You have no idea!”. That’s true; I don’t. But I am so ready to find out.

I am trying to realize that obviously I’m not ready, because God has other plans for me right now. I don’t want to focus on the fact that I’m not married, but on the opportunities I have with being single right now.

Bah, easier said than done. My heart constantly aches for you, Paul. Four days!