So I’ve been wondering if I have insomnia. I never really thought about it before seriously until Paul brought it up, saying that it’s not normal for me to be so tired all the time yet unable to sleep.

So tonight I am up, awake, and I decided to do a little research. Apparently a lot of the things I experience are symptoms of insomnia. The most obvious, of course, is my inability to fall asleep most nights. Also, I am excessively tired all day even if I get a full 8 hours of sleep. A lot of times I find that (depending on the hour) I will doze off during movies (Melissa and Jeremy can attest to this :-)) or TV shows. I also have difficulty concentrating on things because I am too tired – like driving or serious phone conversations.

I am often awake because I’m worried about something or my mind is racing, but sometimes I’m totally cool with everything and will just be awake. It’s more common when I’m worried though (like tonight). The research I did tonight indicates that depression is linked with sleep disorders, and sometimes I struggle with bouts of depression (nothing really serious, but moreso recently than when I was in high school). They also mentioned headaches (which I get frequently) but I didn’t see anything else about this.

So I don’t have the money for a doctor visit right now, but the thought of feeling rested seems to good to be true! I can’t remember the last time I have felt really rested, except when I’m incapacitated because of a migraine and forced to sleep all day.

On a different note, I worked another 60 hours this week. So is this why I went to college, so I can work my butt off for 10 years until my loans are paid? This doesn’t seem worth it to me. My life seems a bit without purpose. Paul told me that my life does have purpose, but I have to wonder if the kids who use the textbooks I’m working on will even notice that the distances between each thing on the page is perfectly consistant throughout the whole book. *sigh*

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