Allow me to be brutally honest with how I’m feeling.
What do you do when you reach the end of the rope? When you have nowhere to turn to? When you have nowhere to go, no job, no place to live? How does someone with a college degree end up in a homeless shelter? Living out of his car?
Why doesn’t God help? Why does He sit and watch someone sink farther and farther down, be met with discouragement after discouragement, tease him with possible jobs and then snatch them away? To make us stronger? Why does God continually keep someone down, allowing him to be kicked and mistreated? Why does He promise riches, only to lead us to rags? Why does He take someone to a place where they can’t even minister to others because they are so down themselves?
And why have I been forced to grow up so fast in the past 5 months? Why can’t I have the innocence of all my friends? Why is life hitting hard right now? I’m only 22. I have dreams and passions. All I want is a life… I want to get married, work and pay off my loans, have a family. I want to have a ministry to missionaries doing graphic design work. I want to get involved in my church. I want to reach out to girls and be the mentor I never had but always wanted. God, why must You bring me to this place?
Most of all, right now I want to be with Paul. Have you ever been in a place where the long distance has ceased to be good, and is now hindering the relationship? Where you’re no longer moving forward? Where you’ve already been apart for eight months and there’s still no end in sight? Where once again, you’re the odd one at a double date, no kiss for New Year’s, going to movies alone? You aren’t accepted by those who are single because you have someone and they’re jealous of that, but the people who are dating have their significant others there and don’t need your friendship at all. You hear of engagements and try really hard to be happy for the other person, but all your can think about was when you were there and happy, and you can’t help being cynical about how engagement doesn’t mean you’re going to be together forever but really you are just jealous that it happens to everyone else but not to you. People tell you to just move on and get over him when they don’t realize that your heart still breaks when you move on, and that you feel you’re just falling into the world’s habit of running away and leaving commitments at the first sign of trouble. And most of all you love the person but that doesn’t seem to do anything but cause you to hurt more.
I really think Romeo and Juliet had a good thing going.