It’s December 5th all over again. It’s been 11 weeks since I last saw Paul, which is only 5 weeks shorter than last fall semester when he was in Ireland. Now it’s the day before I get to see him again. I’m excited and nervous. A lot has happened – how will it be to be together again? We’ve been able to move on in our AIM conversations, but seeing each other is a big step from chatting on instant messenger. Will we get a chance to work through everything we need to this weekend? Will we find peace about where we are in our relationship?

I’m so excited. It’s been a long and awful 11 weeks, but when I look back it’s hard to believe that we were engaged only 11 weeks ago – it seems so much longer. When I relfect on who we were then and who we are now, there is such a big change. A good change; we’re headed in the right direction now.

A lot of people are confused about where Paul and I stand in our relationship, and the most I can say is that we are still together, we’re not engaged, but we’re definitely committed to each other for the long haul. We’re probably a lot deeper than a lot of dating couples, but marriage in the near future is not a possibility right now. We have a lot to work through, but we’re determined to work through it and not give up on a relationship. I call him my boyfriend, but I love him more deeply now than I ever have – even when we were engaged.

It’s all confusing but I hope that as time passes things will straighten out. :-)

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