I left the art building shortly before 1 last night. I was so exhausted; after attempting some of the homework I had due today, I gave up and sank into bed. Unfortunately, I could not sleep. I kept unintentionally jolting myself awake, sure that I was about to roll off the edge of my bed.

I closed my eyes and tried to tell myself a nice story, but my thoughts kept going back to my show… I need to get fishing wire… I need to pick up the plexiglass… I need to get a list of names to send the invitations to… I need to find housing for my parents…

My life has become an obsession about my show. I dream about it, think about it, and everything that is mentioned somehow seems to relate. I’m so dead tired I’m a zombie walking around. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep and never wake up. I just want the stupid thing to print the right colors. I am about to get on a plane and fly to Orlando so I can go back to Creative Printing & Publishing, where I know I can get the results I need ten times faster.

The only thing that’s distracting me right now is thinking about Paul, and how much I really miss him right now. I try to close my eyes and remember all the happy memories I have from the past three years. I try to pretend they haven’t gone away, that he’s still here beside me. I like pretending, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am alone. It makes me wish I was more independent from people; that I could be perfectly happy with the life I have right now.

Pick up plexiglass… go buy fishing wire… try to be in fairlane for two hours so I can do my laundry… (not going to happen… anyone have clothes I can borrow?)… why is it not printing right? oh oh :-(