mom groups

mom groups

This past summer we started going to a new church. We really like it, but it is small and doesn’t have some of the opportunities that our old church has. One of them is a mom group, which my old church has every Thursday morning during the schoolyear. I went only a few times last year, but this year I decided to go ahead and pay for childcare and commit to going. I thought it would be good for both me and Savannah, in terms of fellowship.

Well it hasn’t been what I expected, sadly, so I don’t think I’ll go back next year. Mostly, Savannah absolutely HATES it there. She senses when we walk up to the nursery, and she clings to me. She screams when I leave – I can hear her all the way down the hall as I’m walking away (even after she can’t see me anymore). They tell me that she is only quiet when either being held or riding in the stroller. Apparently, she loves the stroller.

This whole crying thing has been odd to me, and I’ve been trying to figure out why. Anytime we’ve left her with someone, she seems to do fine – even with people she’s never seen before. She is at the nursery at our current church (there are only 3 babies, and each family takes turns watching the three), and she does fine. So why suddenly does she scream? This past week, I tried to walk in with her and get her distracted with the toys before walking away. She didn’t even let me leave – the minute I started to pull away she started crying. I felt bad. As I’ve thought about it since then, I’ve decided the only thing that’s different is that this nursery has a lot of babies – I wonder if she’s overwhelmed? I am not sure.

As for me, it hasn’t been exactly what I was expecting. I have enjoyed the talks, but I haven’t gotten the chance to meet other women as much as I thought I would. I know it takes time, but we only have about 10 minutes before and 5-10 minutes after to socialize. I seem to keep putting my foot in my mouth during these 5-10 minutes, and then I end up not having a chance to explain or apologize. Argh! I’m still kicking myself about things I’ve said. Bleh. Why do I do that?

So far, we have had 4 talks. The first was from the pastor’s wife, who has 4 grown children. She and I differ quite a bit in parenting styles (especially for newborn/babies). One thing that bothers me is that our church has a lot of resources for new moms about *her* style of parenting, and no mention of alternative styles. I guess I can understand – I would probably do the same in her shoes. I just wonder how many other women think they have to parent one certain way because it’s what the church is telling them. Anyways, this is getting off-topic, but that one talk bothered me.

The other three have been great. The second was a nutritionist, and I learned a lot of things. He was encouraging people to Eat Real Food and to cut processed sugar from your diets. It was good for me to hear it, though I didn’t necessarily act on it. I am too addicted to sugar… The third talk was from a personal shopper, I think you would call her? She helps people revamp their wardrobes – she works with your budget, and helps you pick clothes that look good on your figure and coloring, and are still in style. She also has a makeup artist who works with her, who had some good tips about makeup. I learned a lot, and when I need new clothes I’ll be sure to keep some of the things she had to say in mind. :-)

Last week’s talk was about the myth of the modern woman, which was really good as well. I especially liked this talk because we got a chance to sit down with a few other moms in our group and discuss the topic of a modern woman. (Of course I did stuff my foot firmly in my mouth at the end of the time… When oh when am I going to learn to shut up??) It made me think about some things as a Christian woman, and how I relate to other Christian women… perhaps another post when I have processed it more.

Overall, I think I’ve enjoyed the talks, but I don’t think I’ll do it again next spring because of Savannah screaming. Maybe by December (our last day is Dec. 2) she’ll have figured out that it’s a fun place and it won’t be so torturous to leave her. If it doesn’t improve, though, I think I’ll find another outlet for friendships. Perhaps community theater? :-)

4 thoughts on “mom groups

  1. There was a period of time when Johnny was probably around Savannah’s age, where he did NOT want to be left in the nursery. Just being in the room gave him extreme anxiety. So I didn’t push it.

    I think separation anxiety and a strong sense of attachment really peak around this age.

    Don’t worry if it’s not working right now. It might be just fine next year! A LOT can happen in a year!

  2. Yeah she hit separation anxiety around 8 months! She wouldn’t be held by anyone other than me. Fortunately, she is doing MUCH better. She still doesn’t readily go to other people, but if she can’t see me then she’s fine. When I was working, she never had any issues being away from me all day. I really think it’s being away from Mommy + commotion of like 7 other kids in her class.

  3. Honey, I’m the QUEEN of putting my foot in my mouth! Try not to dwell on it. Whatever you said is probably long forgotten, and it likely didn’t even phase whoever you said it to as much as you think it did.

    I’m wondering if a women’s bible study might be a better fit. I find that my bible study group has so much discussion going, I find that I kind of get to know people even without all the social stuff. (We do chat before and after, of course, but I think you know what I mean.) I go to one in the mornings that it mostly attended by SAHMs. I’m always a little out of my comfort zone there, as I don’t even know most of these women, but it’s always beneficial, and by the end, I feel as if I know people.

    Ah… when people expect you to do things just as they do them… That almost makes me laugh. People put WAY too much emphasis on the opinions of ministers and their wives, IMO. If you don’t parent her way, so what? LOL. Not that you’re looking for validation, of course; I do get your frustration, though, when it seems as if everyone thinks a certain way is THE way.

    Is there anything in that nursery making Savannah uncomfortable? Lighting that’s too bright, a nursery worker she despises, lack of supervision, uncomfortable floor? Just trying to throw some stuff out there. You know, with my VAST knowledge of babies and all. LOL

  4. Yep. Been there, done that sister! It gets a little better as your babes get older; however I will say the differences in parenting/education/lifestyle NEVER go away. My kids are 10, 8 and 7 and I still shake my head at MANY things.

    Maybe I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut a little more? Nah.

    But I do like this quote:

    Love many, trust only a few, always paddle your own canoe! :)

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