I had two questions in my “questions” post, so I thought I’d better get around to answering them now before I forget and it never happens. :-)
Becky asked: Whatâ€™s your guiltiest of guilty pleasures?
Okay I spent a long time trying to think of what my guilty pleasures were, and which ones I would be willing to share publicly on this blog. ;-) I don’t know what would be my “guiltiest”, but I’ll share a guilty pleasure that I don’t talk about except in certain groups of people. I really like to watch the TV show Friends. I borrowed the first 5 or 6 seasons from a friend once, and have seen enough of the remaining seasons to know what happens. I know there are lots of reasons why I shouldn’t watch that show, but I really enjoy it. I love the characters (Monica is my favorite, and I love her and Chandler’s relationship), and most of the time I really enjoy the humor. I probably wouldn’t buy the box set, but I do tune in when I see it is showing on TV.
prov31girl2be asked: My question for you is, what have you taken away from that experience [the miscarriage]? Would you say youâ€™re more sensitive than ever? Do you find yourself still hurting inside because of it? or have the joys of this pregnancy taken away most of the pain?
This is an interesting question. My feelings/thoughts have changed a lot in the past 14 months. It took about 6 months before we got pregnant again, and I think that is when I did most of my mourning/pondering about the miscarriage. When I found out I was pregnant it was right before Christmas and I was so scared I would lose the baby again, right at Christmas time and my birthday! I didn’t tell anyone (except Paul) and every single time I used the restroom I checked for spotting. I couldn’t let myself be happy about being pregnant, something that makes me sad although at the time I knew I was just protecting myself from being hurt again. I wasn’t going to tell anyone we were expecting until the end of the first trimester but then I got so sick and I knew it would have been harder to keep it a secret. It was very, very hard for me to be excited about the baby until partway through my 2nd trimester when the sickness finally went away. I think 10 weeks was when I stopped being extremely paranoid about miscarrying again. Before, I hated people talking to me about the baby, especially when they’d pressure me to talk about names or guess the gender. That really, really bothered me a lot, to talk about the baby. Once all that passed I really moved on emotionally from the miscarriage. I decided to not bring it up unless it was an appropriate time – meaning, I respond with “yes” if people ask if this is my first pregnancy, etc. This wasn’t to diminish the experience but rather to simplify things and not delve into those thoughts and feelings again. I think mostly the pain inside is gone, due to this pregnancy. I hope I am sensitive towards women who have the same experience. I know that it bothers me when the topic is treated lightly, like on a TV show where a “problem pregnancy” is conveniently dealt with by a miscarriage.