things i worry about

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I know, I know – I’m not supposed to worry. I can’t help myself. :-/ Here are some of the thoughts on my mind about the future day when we have kids:

I’m scared about having really difficult pregnancies – in bed, sick the entire time.

I worry about morning sickness in general.

I’m scared of having a miscarriage.

I’m absolutely terrified of labor and giving birth. I have too many au natural friends.

I’m scared that I’m not going to know what to do with a baby.

I’m scared that he or she is going to scream all day and I’m not going to know what to do.

I’m scared that having kids is going to drive apart me and my husband.

I worry about where the money will come from when our expenses increase.

I worry I will have to go back to work.

I worry about what happens when I get sick or get a migraine once I have a baby and/or a toddler.

I’m scared I am going to be lonely.

I worry about making the wrong decisions for my children.

I worry that I’m going to bring them up wrong.

I’m scared that I won’t like my own kids – that they will scream and cry and I won’t know what to do.

I’m afraid I will yell at my kids too much, and lose patience with them.

I’m scared that somehow they will not learn about Christ from me; that my attempts to plant seeds in their hearts will utterly fail.

I’m scared of being a mom, and at the same time I’m scared that I WON’T get to be a mom.

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Matthew 6:31-34

“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.” - 2 Chronicles 20:17

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty…
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day…
“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.”
- Psalm 91:1, 4-5, 14-15


as promised

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I did take pictures of our new apartment! And those of you who check my Flickr probably already saw them. You can see them all here.

Welcome to our apartment. Make sure you wipe your paws!

Our living room, already decorated some for Christmas.

The dining room, which is being used as a second sitting area and an office. I have a lot of work I want to do to this area, especially since I spend so much time here! Our table and chairs are behind the loveseat, kinda in between the living room and the dining room.

Our nice and big kitchen. I like it better than the townhouse, actually, but I miss the skylight.

I felt like our kitchen was really stark, so I took out the closet doors and put up a colorful curtain in its place. This table is what we were using for our computers in the townhouse; it is now a nice surface for our kitchen.

Our bedroom, very messy (as usual). Moving on now…

The guest/hall bathroom. We haven’t set up our bathroom yet, so we’ve been using this one. Our bathroom is just off our bedroom.

The guest room. Most of the stuff in here is “to be sold”. I am hoping that once we get it out of here we’ll be able to make it look a lot more organized and clean. I’m hoping to get a sewing machine and put it in here, too. To the right is a sliding glass door that goes on to the porch.

Our nice big porch where my kitties love to hang out, even though it’s cold! On the right of the picture is a sliding glass door that takes you to the living room, so you can make a circle through our apartment! Zoey enjoyed that.
So there you go. I actually like this better than the townhouse. The townhouse was nice, but there was a lot of wasted space. We didn’t really need anything so big. This apartment is smaller and cozier, but it’s not small by any means. We feel like we could be here a few years, which is good because maybe by then we’ll be able to purchase something. I’m hoping to paint and make it feel more homey.



sunday ponderings: romans

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I apologize for this post being a little late in coming today! With all the distractions of Thanksgiving and everything, I forgot to finish and publish it for today. Here it is, hopefully it didn’t mess anyone up. :-)

Our pastor is preaching through the first eight chapters of Romans in preparation for the Christmas season. This might seem a little odd, but Romans is actually a very rich book that really delves into the heart of what we believe. And the coming of Christ – what we celebrate at Christmas – is a very pivotal point for us as Christians. We can see God’s demonstration of His love for us and for the Church through the life of Christ. When we give gifts at Christmas we are symbolizing the Ultimate Gift – God loving us SO much that He sent His son to us.

So, why Romans? The first eight chapters talk about these Truths. Take these verses from Romans 3:

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
- Romans 3:22-24

Our pastor encouraged us to study Romans on our own time, and commit to memorizing a few key verses each week. This is the schedule he proposed, which Paul and I are planning on following: (it will be a week off by the time you read this)

Week of Nov. 18 – read chapters 1-2 and memorize Romans 1:16
Week of Nov. 25 – read chapters 3-4 and memorize Romans 3:23
Week of Dec. 2 – read chapters 5-6 and memorize Romans 5:8
Week of Dec. 9 – read chapters 7 and memorize Romans 7:21
Week of Dec. 16 – read chapters 8 and memorize Romans 8:1-2

Then we will catch up with the familiar Christmas story, reading Matthew 1 and Luke 2. Feel free to follow along yourself! As our church wrote in the bulletin:

The idea here is to help you be able to know the letter like you would know the plot of a good movie. Simple details will do. Then, as your time allows, you can plunge into the depths of the riches of Christ found in this great letter by reading commentaries, listening to CDs, pouring through the Greek, and whatever else excites your soul. You will never reach the full bottom of it because our God is infinite, but you can swim in deep blue oceans, taste of the finest food, and drink the best wine as you marinate your soul in Romans.

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What did you learn at church today? Leave a link to your own “Sunday Ponderings” blog post, or you can just mention your thoughts in the comments. Read more about this weekly carnival and get the code for the “Sunday Ponderings” graphic here.


tis the season!

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It has always been my tradition that the weekend after Thanksgiving I have started preparing for my favorite time of year! I love Christmas – I always have. I loved it so much I delayed being born SIX days after my due date so I could be a Christmas baby. (I overshot by a day, but I’m okay with that.)

So far I have prepared for Christmas by cleaning the house. :-) I am still unpacking, but I think I’ve unpacked enough to take pictures! Yay! So that will be forthcoming. I am ashamed at how long it’s taken me to unpack – and how it’s still not done.

Yesterday in preparation for the season, I ripped all my Christmas CDs to my computer. In this year’s collection is:

  • Mannheim Steamroller: Christmas Extraordinaire
  • WOW Christmas: 30 Top Christian Artists and Holiday Songs
  • Trans-Siberian Orchestra: Christmas Eve and Other Stories (with my favorite, Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24)
  • Point of Grace: A Christmas Story (a long-time favorite)
  • Bing Crosby: White Christmas
  • Jars of Clay: Christmas Songs (new! this year!)

Any other must-haves of the season that I’ve forgotten?

I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older and gotten married, my mindset has shifted more to “family”, I have found it important for Paul and I to figure out ways to keep Christmas focused on Christ for our (future, hypothetical) children. We don’t want them to fall in the trap of American consumerism and the constant focus on “gifts, gifts, gifts”. If they inherit their mother’s love language of gift-giving, then I could see the Reason for the Season being lost in the festivities. I figure it’s not too soon to make Christmas traditions.

One blog I really enjoy reading, Catherine Wheels, has talked about their “Jesse Tree” before. When she mentioned that she made a website describing in detail about their Jesse Tree, I was definitely curious. From the site:

One of my favorite traditions growing up was having a Jesse Tree each December. Every night in December we would have a family devotion about a different part of God’s plan for His people leading up to the birth of Christ. The concept of the Jesse Tree is based on Isaiah 11:1, and the prophecy that the Savior would come from “the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.” Over the years, we made or collected different ornaments to represent the events or people we learned about each night. The tree was a great visual and daily reminder of what we’re really celebrating during the Advent season.

I really, really like this idea! It’s similar to the advent wreath, but every day instead of just Sundays, and with more specific symbols instead of lighting candles. It sounds just up my creative, visual alley. :-) So come December 1st, Paul and I will start making it a nightly tradition to read the passage of Scripture and hang an ornament on our Jesse Tree. Yesterday I went out to see how many of the ornaments I could find. I found about 6 or 7, and I’ll probably just make the other ones. In future years, I can keep an eye out for ornaments to replace the handmade ones.

I did a brief Google search and found a few other sites that talk about the Jesse tree, with some variations. Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer also talks about her Jesse Tree here. I think it’s such a cool idea, and so many ways you can make it work for your family. If you’re interested, check out the sites I linked to for more information and ideas, or do your own Google search. :-) I think it’s so important to do things that help keep your mind focused on what really matters, because it’s so easy to just do the whole secular Christmas thing.

I’ll tell you how it goes for us! For now, I should probably go get a shower and start clearing a space for our Jesse Tree! Oh and take some pictures of my apartment for all of y’all. :-)