Hi! It’s so good to see you. Would you like something to drink? I always forget to ask that, so I’m proud of myself for remembering. You’d like some Coke? That’s great; of course we have some. Here I’ll get you a glass with ice… Sit down, here, and have a brownie. How are you doing? It’s so great to be face-to-face with someone for a change. Oh, don’t apologize, I totally understand, we’re all busy. The summer just gets crazy…
How am I? You want the truth? It’s been rough here. Oh I don’t have a reason, really… Just feeling depressed a lot. Little things, you know? Like my coworker has started parking in my parking place at work. I know, it’s silly, it’s not like we have assigned spots or anything. And it won’t matter in two weeks. But right now… Yeah, it bothers me.
Other things too, that I feel like I can’t tell anyone. I have to tiptoe around it on my blog. You see, the other day I went to the mailroom to get the mail and what did I see? An ad I designed on the floor. Oh, don’t look so excited – you see, it was an ad that I had spent hours designing. On the floor. It had been received in the mail, and promptly discarded. Not that I expect anyone to pay attention to their junk mail – I mean, I immediately throw away what we get too – it’s just… I designjunk mail for a living. How lovely. Some claim to fame, huh? I’ve done the same thing for two years now… It gets discouraging.
I know, I feel so guilty for being depressed. Some people struggle to even bring home a paycheck, much less do something that makes a difference in the world. And I’ve got it great – a good job, a wonderful husband, a roof over my head, two darling kitties and a puppy who all love me. Why do I have to complain about? Why do I still feel so down?
What? What do I want to do? To be honest I really don’t know. I mean, I know what I *WANT* but I’m not sure if that’s what will ultimately lift my spirits. What I WANT is to be home. To focus on being a wife. To have time to clean the house, to learn to cook, to figure things out in life. But I’m not sure that my depression will go away when I get there. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just the influence of other people, and not really what I actually feel.
What does God want me to do? I honestly don’t know. I need to pray about it… I’ve always struggled with accepting that Jesus could care about these little things. It’s hard to distinguish what’s going on in my head with what God is trying to tell me. How do you KNOW? I know, it’s a hard place.
Gosh, I just want something. I don’t know what. I just don’t want to be right here, right now, feeling this way. Any ideas on the secret to instant happiness? Hehe I know. Sunday School answer again, huh?
I stay in my office a lot. One of my coworkers left about a month ago… She and I had gotten close. I still see her occasionally, but it’s not the same. I didn’t realize how much I would miss her! Only a few more weeks in this office, with my purple walls. I wish I could concentrate on my work…
Oh, you have to go. So soon? Yeah. Of course, I understand. I just… Well it was good to see you for a little bit anyways. Hopefully next time will be longer. Take care. Bye.