Today, I was going through some of the files on my computer and I just had to post one of them for you. A little background info: Because I kept my room the nicest of the three of us, my room was almost always used as the guest room when people would come to visit. I usually tried to make it a pleasant stay, so when my Grandmother came to visit us in Peru after my junior year of high school, I left this in the room for her to read. Enjoy. :-)

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Welcome to Ashley’s Room!
Room 2 in the world-famous hotel “Peck’s Palace”

We hope you find this room comfortable and enjoy your stay here. However, to ensure that all guests are pleasantly accommodated, we wish to state a few of the rules needed to be followed during your stay with us. Please contact the manager if you have any questions or comments. Once again, we hope you find your visit delightful and you return again soon!

1. No drugs or alcohol allowed on the premises, due to decree 527. Other guests may feel uncomfortable around someone who is under the influence, and in respect for them, we ask that all uses be reserved to the alleyway beside “Peck’s Palace”.

2. No wild parties after midnight (decree 1,950). This disrupts the sleep of some of the early-to-bed residents of “Peck’s Palace”. Therefore, the management asks that all parties be culminated before 12 am.

3. No boys allowed in the room after midnight (decree 2,018). Once you’ve gotten rid of the guests at your wild party, you may not keep a few boys around. The management wishes to keep the hotel’s reputation as a safe, comfortable place for guests and unless the boys are paying for their own hotel room, they are not invited.

4. Room service is available upon request. Meals will be served in the dining room at inconsistent hours, and the cost of these meals will be included in your final bill. Please see Cook Sue about any specific requests or special diets.

5. Keep all music at a reasonable decibel level (decree 3,635). If your praise music exceeds the volume of the teenager’s rock music, the management will ask you to turn it down (for the sanity of the neighbors as well as the other hotel guests). CD players will be made available upon request.

6. In order to make sure that all guests have an enjoyable visit, the hotel makes several items available for exploitation. If in need of the comfort of an animal, the hotel zoo has the following: two adorable cats, a spunky dog, two cuddly iguanas, and three grandchildren.

7. The weight room is found in the garage, should the guest wish to make use of it. The equipment consists of boxes full of junk. The sauna and Jacuzzi are both found in the bathroom. Massages are available at any hour by any of the three grandchildren.

8. The hotel bus will provide all transportation needed during your stay with us. Chauffer Andy will be more than happy to drive you 24 hours to any destination within the country.

9. Phone calls can be made from any of the telephones. You are free to use any of the four computers in the house, with the permission of the management.

Thank you for visiting us and we hope that you leave positive and refreshed from your vacation with us. Any complaints should be made to the management. Please do not take cats, dog, iguanas, or grandchildren with you.

The management