There is a Reason.

I say that with a capital R because it seems to be something weighing heavily over me right now. God has a mysterious Reason as to why I am where I am right now. Now it’s up to me to figure it out.

Part of me, the rebellious part, wants to scream and shout, saying “I don’t like where my life is! I refuse to be happy! I refuse to acknowledge that good can come of this!” The other part is broken and on my knees saying “God, I’m tired of the sadness and feelings of hopelessness. Please give me something to hold onto.”

Something tells me the latter response is the more mature and Christian one.

So I’m back to the Reason. God isn’t just putting me here because He needs me out of the way while He goes and fixes someone else’s life. I need to remind myself that His desire is for me to do something with my life right now, while I’m waiting. As long as I sit here in a two year old pout, God isn’t going to change things. He’s waiting for me to learn something.

So the Reason is because there is something He wants me to do right now. I don’t know what it is, but I know that as long as I don’t do it then I will remain right where I am. And since I am right here still, I must not be doing it.

Since Paul and I are not physically together right now, I am assuming that the Reason has to do with me as an individual and not us as a couple. Perhaps this is a good time to reflect on my life and decide what goals I will have for myself for this time of waiting. Kind of like New Year’s Resolutions. Perhaps one of them will be the Reason.