Tonight. It all comes down to tonight. I’m a basket case; I can’t concentrate, I can’t think, I just putz around doing nothing. What’s he going to say? What should I respond with? Should I plead and beg? Should I be cold and harden my heart so I can’t feel the pain? What I don’t get is that I really prayed about this and I really felt that God was leading us towards a future together… So then why would He tell Paul something different? I’ve been praying our whole relationship, and I have felt that God was really guiding us… Why then would He guide us away from each other – forever? If we follow God, why does He lead us through heartbreak? I’m crying out to God right now… not to doubt His awesome power, but to really wonder where did I mess up, how did it get so bad?

Oh God, my God, why must we lose the ones we love? Is it wrong for me to want this relationship? How can I completely trust You? What are Your plans for me?

I am spent and broken. Lord, heal my heart.