Phooey on three days… and on people who decide to cancel airplane tickets…

If there’s one thing I’ve learned this past year, it’s to guard my heart. Too many times I trust people and open up my heart. I like people, for the most part. I want to be friends and I want to be liked. I plan things and hope for things. And get disappointed time and time again.

In our culture today, we are not people of our word. We promise one thing, and do another. We selfishly look to advance our own positions (myself included). We do things despite how they might hurt another person, because it’s more convenient to us. Our culture has forgotten the sacrificing concept: we say if you don’t feel like it, then you shouldn’t have to do it. Or vice versa.

My mom today told me not to be a pessimist. Then tonight, after Paul tells me they’re not coming, I turned to my mom and said, “This is why I’m a pessimist.” Why? Because I optimistically thought that they were coming since the plane tickets were bought. I spent all day cleaning the house, getting ready.

I wish I could have a stoic attitude about everything. I’m either one extreme or the other; I wish I would mellow out about things. When you’re never excited, you’re never disappointed. When you don’t hope that other people are your friends, then you aren’t hurt.

This is what this past year as taught me. People who I thought would be supportive, weren’t. People I thought I could trust let me down. I must guard my heart against everyone… Keeping them at a distance. Hope is fickle, and lets you down if you’re not careful.

I’m sorry that I’m not always positive… I hate that I have to learn this lesson over and over again.