Today was not a good day. It started off with me not hearing my alarm – twice – and my roommate having to wake me up. I felt really bad. Then I guess I had a good three or so hours working at the library, and then there was lunch. Then class… it was so boring, and i was so tired… then I started thinking about things like senior banquets which was tonight. I was really upset and I started crying – in class. After it was over, I got in my car and drove and drove and found myself in an old graveyard in Gas City. I spent several hours there, walking around, looking at the headstone and the names and the dates. I really enjoyed it. The birds were all song, and the air wasn’t too hot, and there was enough wind to keep the bugs away. It seemed so peaceful. I did some homework and thought a lot, and calmed myself down. I think I’m the happiest when I can escape from Taylor.
I wouldn’t have gone back except I had to work the desk at 5. I knew it was going to be bad as all the lucky seniors in their little clique headering to their little exclusive dinner, but I didn’t expect to start crying so much I had to get someone else to work the desk until I could calm down. Then everyone wanted to know what was wrong and that would only make me cry even more. I thought of all the things I could blog about, but I decided that I needed to stop complaining.
So after dinner I was going to disappear until late tonight but Paul was at the Grille waiting for me which messed up my plans. I realized how lonely I felt even though I was trying hard not to need people. Paul stayed with me for a bit, then I had an Ivanhoe’s run with senate (which was fun!) and I guess basically the day ended well.
I titled this blog “wanderings in a graveyard”. A lot of thoughts were going through my head as I was in the graveyard, and I wished I had stopped to get my journal. I felt very emotional and when I get emotional, I get poetic. I guess one thing was that I needed to regroup. I read my Bible a lot, and that refreshed me. I need to work on letting my anger slide out of me instead of bottling it up. Yes, it really hurt – really bad – that I wasn’t invited to the banquet. But I need to let it go. I think I am going to have a dinner for myself sometime this weekend, where I can dress up and feel special. That’s my plan.
Well, I am quite tired. Tomorrow is my last 8:00 of my college career! Hooray! This was quite a semester, with going from no 8:00’s ever (with the exception of j-term) to 8:00’s every single day. I’m glad for them to be over. :-) I am forcing myself to stop writing now, though; I will reflect on this semester/year another day!
So long, farewell, auf weidersan, goodnight…