Two weeks my life as I know it ends. Funny how that can happen, when I’m not even the one graduating. After pretending that I’m part of the class of 2004 for three years these next two weeks will be reminder after reminder that I’m not part of that class. but yet I’m not part of the class of 2005. Just like I’m not peruvian, but I’m not american. And I’m not computer science, but I’m not an art major either. My life is full of these “not quites”. I remember when I was 11 and 12, when i was too old for the kiddie rides but not old enough for the adult rides. Or now, when we’re not engaged but I feel that we are more than just dating. Will I always be “in-between”? Will I never be where I should be?

Tonight was senior share night for our floor. I did enjoy listening, but as always it made me melancholy. They’re all leaving… my closest friends. They’re all going away and I’m not. They are getting a special farewell, while I will slip out quietly. Maybe this is what I really want? I guess I’m selfish… It’s not that I’m trying to be, but rather I just want to know that people like me too. Everyone wants to be liked. I don’t want it to be like “Oh yeah, that’s right, Ashley isn’t here anymore… I never said goodbye.” Maybe that’s it, it’s so important for me to say goodbye…

But above everything I am still saying goodbye to my closest friends. Life as I know it will end in two weeks. Next fall it will be like I’m not even really here at Taylor. It will be so different… Oh God, why did you let me make friends with sophomores? Why am I a missionary kid? Why is my major the one that is caught between two departments?